Awww... and I just discovered that my former singing teacher also passed away... four years ago.
I used to have singing lessons for a few years before MiniMe was born and continued to sing throughout the pregnancy. As with the piano lessons, the singing lessons never finished on time and I often spent two hours with Joy talking about life. She shared her life story with me - the triumphs and the tragedies - and I similarly confided in her. We became friends. Joy introduced me to the man who was to become my beloved GP - the man who changed my views of medicine and introduced me to holistic approaches to health and well-being. Also the man who taught me a great deal about assisted dying from the perspective of a doctor caring for elderly patients nearing their end of life, and also a man who himself succumbed to cancer at a (relatively) young age. And it was thanks to Joy that I discovered the miracle drug Imigran (sumatriptan succinate) that transformed my ability to function with chronic migraines. And of course, Joy taught me the joy of singing.
Joy (like Miss Sheat) also lived alone. However, she had been married. Twice in fact. She never had children - her career took priority over having a family. Ultimately, this was why her first marriage ended - she was focused on her singing whilst her husband was less than supportive of her career. She married again later in life. But by then she was too old to have children. Her second husband's family didn't approve of her or the marriage. So when he passed away, she was left alone. Joy spoke of how she had trained alongside Dame Kiri Te Kanawa and Dame Malvina Major. And how when offered similar opportunities, she had to decline because her (first) husband wouldn't allow her. It was clear that she lived with a great deal of regret and resentment.
After MiniMe was born, she became my top priority. The center of my universe. Between being a parent, a wife, and a business owner, I just didn't have time for singing. And although I saw Joy occasionally, we eventually lost touch. And years passed.
Then around a decade ago I reconnected with Joy. She had moved into a retirement village but was still teaching. So I took MiniMe to meet her and she listened to me sing. It didn't go well. She told me I had "clearly killed" my vocal cords during childbirth and that she "cannot work with me". I was devastated. I had been singing in the school's "community choir" the previous two Christmases. Something I really enjoyed and no one had commented on my singing ability (or lack there of). I left feeling really upset. I was completely shaken and it took me some time to compose myself enough to be able to drive us home. The person who I once treated like family ended up being cold and hostile towards me. I didn't recognise the bitter old woman lashing out at me - telling me that in choosing to have a child, I had killed my vocal cords. That afternoon Joy crushed my confidence and to this day I have been scared to sing even at home, let alone in public.
Unsurprisingly, I never spoke to her again. And hadn't even thought of her until just now. According to her obituary she spent three weeks in hospice care before her passing. I sincerely hope she was surrounded by love in her final days and that she didn't die alone.
Joy Scarborough Smith
31 October 19?? - 31 July 2017
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